


I'm sorry (One day one shot)

by Mindscape_13



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst and Feels, Hetian moguanshan sorry, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mindscape_13/pseuds/Mindscape_13
Summary: He Tian apologizes to Mo after he hurt the red head due to jealousy...
Relationships: TianShan
Kudos: 80





	I'm sorry (One day one shot)

One day  
"I told you. Didn't I?  
I was going to hurt you and break your heart more times than fix it. I know that is a fucked up way to love someone, but, it works for me. Works for us...  
We aren't perfect in the least, we're too fucked up to be perfect. I love you. And my love for you, it mixes with obsession. It's toxic and wrong and all the kinds of wrongs.  
But that's fine. Because it is the only way I can love you. It's the only way I can open up myself so that you can see my heart. I don't know any other way to love.  
This is the only honest way I can love. Wanting to break you and then fix you and then fuck you up only to love you more. It's cruel and only you understand." 

He Tian whispered in the dark.

He was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, facing the wall. 

Mo Guashan was on the other side, same position.

"I am going to say sorry. I going to hurt you again. I am going to fuck this up once again. But I can't see myself giving you up. Your the only one that sparks a burn inside of me so hot, I feel it in the core of my soul.  
It makes me feel alive.  
It makes me breathe.  
I lose focus around you. I lose myself around you. I'm still learning." 

Mo Guanshan said nothing. Only nursed his bruised side. Tears silently dripping from his eyes.

He Tian wrapped his hand around his wrist, wriggled his fingers. Expression solemn. His knuckles was bruised. 

-Skin is broken.- 

He fisted his hand, ignoring the sting.

He let out a shuddering breath. "Don't you see Mo Guanshan? I love you so much that your in every inch of me, I feel you under my skin. In my veins. And the fact that I know I'm going to hurt you again, kills me.  
And I'm sorry for that.  
Sorry that I'm a piece of shit who's insecure about your love for me sometimes. But despite all this, you are the reason why I am so changed." 

That was true. 

Mo Guanshan was the only one he'd change for. And still he failed at that too.

The red head leaned his head against the bed, and wondered...

-I know this won't be the last time he hurts me. But am I willing to risk myself to stay and make this work?- 

Well he has been through worse with the raven.  
Got nearly raped because he was associated with him. Got kidnapped because of him.  
Been hospitalized because of him.

"Go to sleep He Tian." He said, staring up at the ceiling of the apartment. The raven haired male got up and faced him, staring at that mop of red hair he loved so much.  
He crawled on the bed and leaned over the red head, obscuring his view of the ceiling. 

"I'll only be able to sleep if I can hold you." 

He said gently, noticing the tears rolling down his Don't Close Mountain's face. He Tian closed his eyes to keep from crying himself. 

-I shouldn't have pushed him like that.- 

He opened his eyes and stared at the one person he really couldn't do without.

The rest can go fuck themselves.

He Tian leaned down and pressed his lips tentatively against Mo Guanshan's bruised one's. And when the other male pressed back into the kiss, the tension left his shoulders and his grip on the bed sheets relaxed. 

-So forgiving.- 

The kiss warmed him from the inside out. Made his dark thoughts quiet down.  
Made him fall deeper for the red head.

He Tian pulled back from the soft kiss and leaned his head against Mo's.  
"I love you." He whispered.  
"I know." Said Guashan. 

-I love you too, still...-


End file.
